it only takes one

 Generally most youth softball teams are made up of 10-12 players. Maybe more maybe less give or take a player or two, Regardless of size the individual personalities that make up every team are critically important not only to the success of the team, but to the individual  development of each player on the team.  When you are lucky enough to  have  an entire team buy in and endear the teachings and philosophies of the program the chances of success grow exponentially. If the individuals on the team endear each other the chances of success become even greater.  Granted adolescent, pre-teen, teen drama is a cold hard reality that every coach has to navigate.  In most cases it is prudent for the players to work these minor situations out on their own. I have always believed it helps them build independent problem solving skills.

However, What happens when a player is introduced to the team or a small clique of players within the team completely up ends the productive process created within the program. The reality is you have a major problem. Is there a team utopia that exists ? Of course not, but there is a very big difference between teen drama and outright mayhem. obviously we need to keep sight of the fact we are talking about children.  However, only so much chaos can be endured  before the team comes off the rales, and suffers the ultimate fate of dissolving entirely. I have seen this many times before and often it could have been avoided, albeit not without tough discussions and hard feelings. Hard difficult times are inevitable. Take the time to plan your approach before they even happen.  I have always believed hard times make the good times even sweeter. 

1. Try to avoid the situation before it ever happens. (Easier said then done)

• Communicate....Communicate....Communicate: Speak ad nauseam  to players and parents about the environment of your team and what is expected from them.  E-Mails and Texts are great for reinforcement but this needs to take place face to face as a group. Information provided live and in person tends to make a greater impact than written words. The same is true for bringing in a new player, you must speak to player and parent face to face.  This is imperative regardless of age, and repeat often. Like I said e-mail and text is great for reinforcement.  They also create a record that cannot be disputed. Many organizations actually have parents and players sign a written agreement or contract of sorts. This can be very effective, but only if they are adhered to and reinforced.
• Reinforce: Always integrate the meaning and importance of Team, Respect and Compassion at the beginning and end of every practice, game and team event.  
• Do Your Homework: Do not blindly take on a player (Regardless of Ability) until you have spoken to people who have had previous relationships with player and parents.  Bring in the player for a practice or team event and observe how they interact with the other players. Take your player's recommendations seriously. Look at this players softball history. If they have been with 3 teams in the last 2 years perhaps it is a red flag warranting further investigation.
• Enforce Equally: Do not take your player's awareness and  intelligence for granted, regardless of age.  As a parent coach I found myself holding my own daughter to a much higher standard. It is  much easier to be stricter with her  than the other players, simply because it was more comfortable. In tern they are more comfortable pushing back on you, and are pushing back because they are smart enough to realize you are wrong. Left unchecked will probably lead your player far away from the game.  This situation made me painfully aware of the pitfalls of parent coaching. It also set the stage for my departure as a parent coach.  The reverse is often seen, where the parent coach is too easy on his player and consistently finds fault in other players, while being blind or ignoring the same deficiencies in his own player. Again do not underestimate the awareness of the other players. Eventually they will vent their frustration onto that coaches player.  In the end it is all destructive to the team.

          2. So now it happens. You have rotten egg/eggs.

• Do Not Hesitate:  It's bad but you need to realize it is not going to get any better on it's own.  Again being mindful we are dealing with children and in many cases young impressionable children, the most logical step is to address any issues with the player directly. Be honest and remember to reinforce the parameters that were set for the entire team. Emphasis should be placed on Team, Respect and Compassion.  As a side note just because you are not witnessing these negative behaviors first hand, it does not necessarily mean they are not occurring.  Kids are crafty and have an uncanny ability to take advantage of the time they are not strictly supervised. Just a few minutes alone in the dugout can create absolute mayhem. Equally you cannot overeact to the very first complaint received from player or parent. As a rule of thumb I usually let the initial complaint go in one ear and out the other.  The second time will usually cause me to supervise with more vigilance, because I prefer to see things for myself. Any complaints beyond it is generally time to initiate some action.  If you are not making any progress by dealing with the player directly then it is time to engage the parents as well. Unfortunately this is much more stressful than dealing with the child. Often times this experience leaves you wondering who is the parent and who is the child.  Again it is important to reinforce the parameters set for the entire team and once again emphasize Team, Respect and Compassion. Generally it is human nature to defend your offspring unconditionally, which can make the success of this interaction very unpredictable.  Do not go in with the mindset of achieving instantaneous success.   Even an acknowledgment  of part of the problem is a good start. 
• The Nuclear Option: If you have exercised all of your options and you are on the brink of the team falling apart, then it is time for extreme action. Of course this is not where you want to be and you never envisioned being riddled with anxiety over youth softball. At this point you need to ask yourself one question. Is it worth carrying on if we can excise ourselves of the problem? Before you answer that question  I would offer this. You took on this massive responsibility, which you now own.  You do not have the right to walk out on the rest of those kids. You have been preaching TEAM, RESPECT, COMPASSION. Now its time to practice what you preach.  Act swiftly and with confidence. These are hard discussions to have , but sometimes its just time for someone to go.  Do it and don't look back and do it with  knowing that you do not have the right to give up and walk out on the rest of the team.  Walk with your head held high and with confidence knowing and believing  you can replace any player regardless of their talent.   The hard times make the good times that much sweeter. 

Be mindful it doesn't take a basket of rotten eggs only one.  One player can overturn the apple cart and ruin a perfectly good thing for everyone. Your task is to be vigilant and do everything in your power to avoid a complete meltdown. 


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